Saturday 10 July 2010

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Guest Post from Rhys of Thirst For Fiction: Fear of Rejection

Today I am delighted to share with you a guest post from Rhys of Thirst For Fiction. In this post he takes a ook at why he thinks people try to fit in, fear of rejection.

Self-perceptions and body images are undoubtably one of the greatest things that hold us back in life. They stop you doing what you want to do, whether that is singing, acting, speaking to audiences or just being yourself. We, the human race, seem tied to what people around us think, or what we think they think. We'll do things that will embarrass ourselves, just for the sake of attracting attention to ourselves. When we do this, it's like we are hiding behind a thick blanket of fog: you can make out an outline, but all the details are lost and blurred. If two people stand in the fog, shoulder to shoulder, there is not much difference: both look like humanoid grey shapes. Everything that defines us is lost- everything that makes us unique is hidden, in an attempt to conform with the (sometimes) dull crowd. So what makes us want to suppress our inner self? Invariably, it is fear. Fear for not being accepted; fear of rejection. But why do we have this fear? Why are we scared of rejection? I think it all has to do with our instincts, and I think it all starts as soon as we are born.

As babies, we have an ultimate dependence on our parents: they feed us, love us (we hope) and protect us. Babies are always living in fear of being left somewhere: when their mother, for example, move into the immediate room, they start to cry, in an attempt to again attract attention to themselves.

Even as young children- perhaps 4 or 5, we are scared of rejection. I'm sure every one of us has been in a situation where we are in a busy place, say a fair, and losing our parents. As soon as we realise that we are alone, we immediately panic, searching left and right for the sight of them. Normally we find them again, and all is alright, of course. Again, it is a fear of rejection or of being left behind that we are scared of...we, as children, know that we cannot survive without are parents.

It seems to me that this fear carries on, right into adulthood; this time not because we depend on our parents, but because we don't want to live an outcast; shunned from society. We want to know we are wanted and loved, and will find extreme methods to do this. This new fear seems to start as a teenager; the ultimate time of insecurity. At this point, it seems vitally important to be accepted and to have countless friends. Whether this is because hormones are raging, or for some other reason, it still makes us act the same: we disguise ourselves, sometimes suppressing the very things that people love us for.

We start wanting to look good, to fit in and not stick out like a sore thumb. We will do anything just to think that we will be loved by crowds around us. Anything that makes us stand out from those around us we want to prohibit. We feel embarrassed and sometimes ashamed if a negative attention is drawn to us.

Equally, we can only be recognised positively if we brave out of our bubbles. If the actor does not act, nobody will know they possess a great talent. If the singer does not sing and is not heard, nobody will know, and in the end, this person will not be recognised for it.

It is perhaps odd, then, that we are recognised both negatively and positively for daring to do what others do not. It is hard to be yourself, and it takes a lot of courage. But whether reactions be negative or positive, you will know that you are not hiding in the shadows of the great people around you, but are standing in your own light, lit for all to see. And surely, someone, somewhere will understand you and love you? All you have to do is find them....

I would like to add that this article was written from my own observations and opinions

What a brilliant post! Thank you, Rhys! What do you guys think of what Rhys has said?


  1. Hope you guys like my post!

  2. I definitely think to have a happy life you need to find people that accept you for who you are. It give you the greates freedom to follow your dreams and live your life as you choose. I guess we all need to recognise the people that give us the confidence to do it and be grateful for it. My hubby is top of my list.

  3. Rhys - I love you post, Rhys! :)

    Becky - I agree with you completely. I have a fair few of them in my life. :)